


What Happens in Vasselheim...

by indigoire



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crack Pairing, M/M, all aboard the crack ship, next stop: the Nine Hells, written while inebriated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10335287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigoire/pseuds/indigoire
Summary: Based on the otp prompt"Imagine your crack pairing telling their friends that they are now dating."Only, the term "dating" is taken very loosely. A very quick look into what these two getting together might be like.Spoilers for episodes 89 and 90.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Blame all of this on Those Flashcards and Kraken Black Spiced Rum.

"Doty, I have news. News that cannot be written down, understood?"

Tary addressed this to his metal manservant, currently in the middle of ironing Tary's doublet. Doty nodded, joints creaking as always.

"Doty, I have just now kissed Grog. If you would, congratulate me."

Doty dutifully clapped, his hands sounding just like clanking armor to Taryon's ears.

"Again, do not put this into the book or even my personal diary. This is to be kept hush-hush, understood? Everything is still so new."

Nodding again, Doty returned to his task, and Taryon left the room.

\---

"Hey Pike, can I talk to you for a second?"

Pike looked up from where she and Keyleth were gardening, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

"Sure, Grog! Just give me a second!" Dusting off her hands, she followed Grog as he led her aside.

"Pike, what do you think about Tary?"

The gnome tilted her head. "Tary? Taryon Darrington? Our Tary?"

"Yeah, that Tary."

Pike, looking a bit confused, seemed to consider the question for a bit. "Well. He's charming, I guess. Educated. Not very good with names, but he's very eager to please. Easily intimidated, but clever. He has his moments I suppose. I'm still getting used to having him around, to be honest. Grog, what's this about?"

Grog was scuffing the ground with his big toe. "What if I told you I liked him?"

Pike blinked several times in succession. "As a friend?"

"As a bit more I reckon."

"Oh. OH! Oh I see."

There was a long moment of silence.

"This is our Tary we're talking about, right?"

"Yeah, Terry Jumbo!"

Pike looked up to the sky, as if to ask Sarenrae to guide her through this conversation.

"Grog, I love you. And I respect whatever choices you make in regards to your love life. Just. Why him?"

Grog, of all people, Pike was almost horrified to see, was blushing. He didn't meet her eyes, and Pike realized all at once that he was embarrassed to tell her this.

"I dunno. He's fun to be around."

"He got you banned from your favorite potion seller and almost kicked out of Vasselheim!"

"Right, but I had fun! I dunno Pike, it's like you said, he's charming and eager to please. Plus, I feel like, all smart around him, since he hasn't really done much adventurin' or travelin', and it makes me feel good. He makes me feel good, Pike."

Pike gave Grog a stern glance, not her sternest, but one that encouraged him to stand up straight and think about something seriously.

"You know he's not going to be like those ladies you used to visit with Scanlan, right?"

"'Course I know that! I've already seen him naked."

Pike raised her eyebrows higher than she thought she could raise them.

"You have?"

"Yeah. We had sex on the boat back to Emon."

"...you did?"

"Not like I'm gonna go bragging it to the world, he said he didn't want me tellin' no one. 'Cept he thinks you watch over us anyways, so I don't think he'll mind you knowing."

"Oh."

"It's not the sex thing I'm asking about Pike, that's not the issue. It's just, I reckon I like him a bit, you know? And I wanted to ask if you were okay with that."

Pike shook her head to clear the image of Grog and Tary from her mind before it could settle in and do any damage. "Like I said Grog, I respect your decisions. I don't, well, um--Tary's not for me, but if you like being around him and he makes you feel happy then I say go for it. I'll give you two my blessing."

Grog beamed, and pulled Pike into an only slightly crushing hug. "Thanks Pike!"

"Er, just one question? Why doesn't Tary want you telling the others?"

Grog hesitated, still holding Pike, before setting her down. "He thinks the others don't like him very much. Like, they wouldn't approve maybe. I told him 'fuck 'em', but apparently his dad was real against him 'consorting with other men', so he's sensitive about it. Also I don't think he's ever done anything like this."

"A secret relationship?" Pike had to admit she was curious.

"Sex things. He lost his virginity to a whore his dad bought him when he was eighteen."

Pike winced. "Grog, has Tary had many relationships?" _Or any at all?_  Pike thought silently.

Grog shrugged. "Dunno. Didn't ask. I don't think so though. I didn't ask to be his sweetie, Pike, I just su--"

"AH GROG DON'T TELL ME!" There were some things an adoptive sister didn't need to know about her big brother's sex life.

Grog grinned and gave Pike a noogie, which quickly devolved into light roughhousing.

Pike eventually returned to gardening, still turning the whole Tary thing around in her mind.

It wasn't until hours later that Pike came to sudden realization, and shot upright in her bed, wide awake.

"I should never have given Tary that picture of Grog."


End file.
